I wanted to ask you about the responsibility of a Muslim to accept another Muslim brother’s invitation for a gathering. In the past few weeks, I have experienced three such invitations where the food got wasted or was given away just because the invited people didn’t show up. A lot of them don’t even inform beforehand that they won’t be able to join.
I want your guidance from Shari’i perspective on what are the implications for such an act? Also, especially in a country where we live as a small Muslim community.
Bismillahi Ta’ala
Walaikum Assalam Warahmatullah
The issue which you inquire about has multiple social concerns that need to be addressed and I fear I may say too much.
Gatherings of food as you have described are borne from the muhabbah and love of the host for the guests. However, sometimes we tend to [ miss ]step in the direction of desire of getting more guests to a party/gathering instead of the quality and value of interaction being provided for those guests.
In line of this, it is better to have a smaller gathering, with confirmed rsvp’d attendees, instead of having larger gathering with no real confirmation of who will attend.
More so, when these parties happen in festive days, we feel an emotional expectation for everyone in one’s circle to come and attend whereas the guests are being called over to 5 or 6 other such gatherings as well. This is our customary ways, and we do not pause to see if our religious duties get affected in establishing such gatherings.
The wastage of food, intermingling of strangers, gossiping, joking and mocking fellow people in derogation and sometimes even casual backbiting is often simply overlooked in such gatherings. This all done under the feeling that it is festive religious occasion.
In English they say, “sometimes less is more”. This is very true in regards to our interactions and relations with people. Do not expect a lot, and whatever little you strive towards, make it count.
In a food gathering, food is not the focus of our gatherings. It is the host, the guests and the company and environment that comes to the fore. A small gathering of 3-4 close friends which is filled with muhabbah, will not care if instead of a 4 course meal, with high-end rich foods, there is just one dish prepared with muhabbah (love) and khuloos (sincerity).
Nabi ﷺ has mentioned where food for not present, “How a wonderful curry vinegar is?”, showing that even something trivial as a vinegar can get all the du’as from the guest. And many times, even the best of cheffed-out cuisine does not bring forth the homely muhabbah from the guest.
A calamity I have seen, and have mentioned during Ramadhan season as well, is the new trend of catering for iftaar meals, and parties through restaurants. It deprives the gathering from the physical sacrifice, exertion and struggle from the host and his family which used to be a hallmark of feeding others in Ramadhan. I do not say this lightly, and make dua all the hosts receive all the rewards imagined, but I would prefer a simple few-morsel food prepared with khuloos and rendition of adhkar while prepping over a commercial restaurant food where the wholesomeness of the food is always in question.
Nonetheless, I envision smaller gatherings, with selected invites which are well confirmed for attendance from before hand, and thereafter packing and giving food along to the guests to take away, or to be shared with poor or homeless afterwards should become a signature of our food gatherings.
The participants should take strong part in distributing foods out to the poor as a last action of their appreciation of the food party/da’wat that they have graced with their presence and made du’a for the host therein.
Wallahu A’lam
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Faisal al-Mahmudi